


Childhood

by PhenixFleur



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Ellie is still pretty traumatized, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Joel wants to help, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Winter but prior to meeting the Fireflies at the hospital, Post-Zombie Apocalypse, Self-Reflection, pretty much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 13:29:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6568183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenixFleur/pseuds/PhenixFleur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel reflects on the childhood Ellie will never experience while trying to cheer her up/comfort her after the events of the previous winter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Childhood

**Author's Note:**

> I've been trying to branch out fandom-wise, and The Last of Us FUCKED ME UP so I wanted to write something for it, especially since I love the relationship between Joel and Ellie. Hopefully I did everyone justice.

Mid-spring in Utah was far warmer than Joel had expected it to be, but he found himself extremely grateful for it. Trekking across several states on foot (as they’d been relegated to after leaving Whitefish Lake later that winter sans the horse that had carried them there and in the absence of a functioning vehicle) meant continual exposure to the elements. Sometimes he and Ellie managed to find a hull of a building, upturned bus or truck overtaken by vegetation after years of disuse, some area indoors in which to hole up during inclement weather, but for large stretches of their travels nothing of the sort had been available. Granted, the absence of human effects and structures generally meant an absence of Infected and generally of other hostile forces as well, but being completely soaked through from a rogue spring shower in relatively chilly temperatures still wasn’t a _pleasant_ experience.   

More often than not the two of them ended up camping out near wooded areas, which provided not only a touch of shelter but a wealth of firewood and wildlife to supplement their ever fluctuating food supply. Today had yielded a couple of recently emerged squirrels, skinned and boiled up with some broth cubes and a couple of root vegetables to create a pretty delicious dinner…of which Ellie hadn’t eaten very much. It was obvious that she hadn’t fully recovered from the traumatic events of that past winter, and Joel couldn’t really blame her. He couldn’t imagine his teenage self surviving what she had within only several months. 

Ellie sat cross-legged near the campfire, staring vacantly into the flames. Her face held no expression or indication of what was going on in her head, which was painful to witness as often as he did these days in comparison to the vibrant, witty young woman he’d grown used to over the course of their journey thus far. She still surfaced on a semi-regular basis, but never for long. Glancing up at her while poring over the map he’d managed to snag somewhere, Joel felt a twinge of guilt within his chest, accompanying the realization that had he not left her with the burden of caring for him after his brush with death things might have turned out differently. 

It wasn’t the first time he’d felt it, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last.

Folding up the map and slipping it back into the plastic bag that held the rest of the items he couldn’t afford to get wet, Joel stood up, stretching his sore legs and ignoring the uncomfortable stiffness in his abdomen centered around the site of his former-life threatening injury as he made his way over to where Ellie sat, lowering himself to the ground beside her. The girl acknowledged his presence with a nod, but remained silent. Joel was glad they’d moved past the point of not speaking being awkward instead of the two of them simply enjoying each other’s company without requiring conversation. He reached over to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, pleased to see that she was starting to work past involuntarily flinching at any physical contact whatsoever. 

“I remember camping out like this with Tommy back when we were kids,” he commented. “It was out in the backyard, but we had a tent and everything.”

Ellie’s gaze shifted from the campfire to him, and eyes became somewhat more focused. “Did you just sit around, or…”

“Nah. We told ghost stories, stupid stuff. Made S'mores.” Joel smiled faintly at the memory. “Tommy had this star map he got during some field trip to a museum at school, and we’d look for constellations.“ 

He realized that some of these concepts probably went over Ellie’s head, especially the concept of field trips or school activities, and he prepared himself for any questions that she might have. At least he hoped she’d display some of her former curiosity instead of nodding in mild disinterest. 

What she chose to focus on was, interestingly enough, not the aspects of public school prior to the outbreak. "S'mores?”

It occurred to Joel that Ellie had probably never even seen a marshmallow, had she even come across graham crackers. The thought of a teenage girl having never eaten chocolate was almost heartbreaking. 

He struggled to form a description of something she’d never encountered the separate components of. “You made ‘em with marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers. We’d melt the marshmallow over the fire and put it on top of the chocolate between the crackers, then flatten the whole thing.” He pantomimed smashing something between his palms. 

“Like a sandwich?” Ellie turned to face him them, brow furrowed in contemplation. “Marshmallows? Is that a kind of candy?”

Joel had no idea how to explain a marshmallow, save for a silly explanation he’d given his own daughter so many years before. “Sort of. I used to call them sugar clouds…when we were younger.” It wasn’t what he meant to say, but Ellie knew him well enough to know what he still couldn’t give voice to. 

Ellie’s lips curled into her first smile of the day. “Sugar clouds? Sounds like something out of a kids’ book.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Joel conceded, lapsing into silence himself. There were so many jumbled thoughts in his head, all fighting for dominance, but most prominent was the almost overwhelming sadness that, despite any childhood troubles he and his brother and everyone else fortunate enough to have inhabited the world before it went to hell had faced, it was still  _childhood_ in a way that children like Ellie and Sam (had he survived) would never experience. 

“Think we can make some?” Ellie’s voice snapped him back to reality. “S'mores, I mean.”

Joel stared at her; her blank mask had been replaced with an expression of wonder, a desire to revisit the past through something as small as a campfire snack. He knew frivolities like marshmallows were _definitely_ a thing of the past, and even if they encountered some in the snack aisle of an abandoned convenience or grocery store they probably wouldn’t be fresh enough to eat anymore. Still…maybe there was a way to make marshmallows from scratch. There had to be a recipe lying around somewhere. Maybe they could experiment, throw a bunch of ingredients in a pot and see what they came up with. It couldn’t be too difficult to approximate graham crackers, and he knew that chocolate was still around, although it was extremely rare to acquire. But…it was a chance. 

Maybe they could make S'mores. 

Hell, maybe they could make a future from scratch, a world for Ellie and Sam and every child that hadn’t received the chance to be one by luck of the draw. Tommy had believed in it, he still believed in it. And maybe, just maybe, Joel was beginning to, as well.

“Sure,” he replied; Ellie’s eyes lit up in excitement. 

“Like this? Over a campfire? Like you used to?”

Joel nodded. “Once this is all over, I’ll take you camping, and we can make S'mores.”

Ellie grinned. “I’m holding you to that.”

Now much more animated, she actually did inquire as to what a field trip was, as he’d expected, and as Joel launched into an explanation of the former American school system he internally vowed to keep his informal promise to her. Ellie deserved a childhood, and he was willing to do whatever it took to give her one.


End file.
